Note by KC:
Next posting is on Wednesday 29 March evening.
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Here are four hilarious running stories before we take on another marathon challenge on Sunday 26 March at the Sarawak Marathon 2006.
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I find that the story below on Personal Best (PB) was most funny. The PB stuff can not simply be used for any occasion other than running or competitive sports. Otherwise, the consequence could be quite damaging.
I was very concerned with my PB timing when I first started running 10km. But after countless number of runs where my timing was hovering around 50 minutes -- plus-minus three minutes -- I just do not bother about my PB timing anymore.
Another type of runner that really impressed me is The Shuffler runner. It is true that when they run, it is like gliding along but their speed is very fast. My personal experience is that before I could realize, the Shuffler runner is way ahead of me.
Read on and be amused …
Extracted from the book: How to Run a Marathon
By Tony Benyon and Kevin Macey
The Charity Runner
Watching the London Marathon on television, one frequently sees a clown running backwards while tossing a pancake in the air. This apparent lunatic is not plucked from the field by men in white coats because he is running for charity. The aim, more likely than not, is to raise money for some piece of medical apparatus or a new hospital, of which he, if he does not train correctly, will be the main beneficiary.
The majority of these runners indulge in the minimal amount of preparation for their runs. Their efforts appear to be focused on the fancy dress costumes they will wear to hobble in around the course. In most cases these consist of schoolgirl or nurse's uniforms for either women or men.
While watching a race, it is quite common to see grown men dressed as Vikings holding a replica longboat, waiters running with trays full of drinks, Mickey Mouse and even Superman rushing on their way.
As the race progresses highly comical scenes can be witnessed: Vikings riddled with cramp and hardly able to limp let alone loot, pillage and rape; Mickey Mouse slumped on a pavement outside a bar awash with beer; or Superman running into 'the wall' and staggering in anguish as though someone had slipped some Kryptonite into his tights.
The Personal Best
Wearing a shock-proof and water-proof digital watch complete with a lap timer, a stride timer and an inhalation and exhalation timer, the PB takes to the road. A smile curls his top lip when he realises he has reached the first lamp post on his regular training route in a personal best time.
Pounding along the road wearing his 'Sub Four' T-shirt, nothing is capable of breaking his concentration if he thinks a personal best time is possible. Houses may be burning, people may be screaming for help and eccentric millionaires may be giving away bundles of fifty pound notes, yet through it all the PB will not falter in his rhythm.
With his eyes permanently flickering from side to side he boils eggs, mows the lawn and reads newspapers in ceaseless competition with the clock. His manic and exaggerated behaviour has resulted in his marriage breaking down. His wife long since gave up trying to persuade him to aim at endurance records rather than speed records in the matrimonial bed. A breathless 'It was a personal best for me, how was it for you?' is a question she never wants to hear again.
The Iron Man
The Iron Man is so called because of the extreme amount of pain he can take without complaining. If his legs were to be suddenly severed at the knees he would not drop out of a race. He would merely grit his teeth and complete the course still hoping to get near his personal best without making any excuses if he fails to do so.
Dressed in a sweat-soaked running kit complete with head and wrist bands, the Iron Man trains over extreme distances each week. While he is running dogs break their fangs on his calves, mothers pull their children out of his path and badly parked cars are left with dents in the shape of track shoes across their bonnets and roofs.
His unshaven face and the scars on his knees (from countless cartilage operations) give him the appearance of a badly wounded war veteran. The image is further enhanced by the manic staring eyes of a man who has been on one mission too many.
Floods, Arctic conditions, nuclear strikes and the earth tilting on its axis will never stop this man from his regular training runs because the Iron Man can crack walnuts with his eyelids. He works as a cashier in the High Street Bank and answers to the name of Dorian.
The Shuffler
The extraordinary thing about the Shuffler is how he appears not to be running at all and yet completes the marathon consistently in less than three hours. He is in his fifties, bald, wears pebbled glasses and is an engineer. His insignificant appearance makes it all the more galling when he pads silently past you within sight of the finishing line.
While you are riddled with cramp, have hamstring trouble, crave a visit to a toilet or are suffering spasms, the Shuffler glides past you as though he is standing on a pedestrian conveyer belt. No matter by how much you break your personal best, he still breasts the finishing tape before you.
A clue to the Shuffler's success appears to be his leg action or lack of it which has been perfected so as to expend a minimum of energy. His legs never bend at the knee, neither do his feet ever leave the surface of the road by more than half a centimetre. In fact, wet conditions can be a danger to him. He risks losing control by aquaplaning.
If you should wish to run in a similar style to the Shuffler, do not spend money on an expensive pair of designer running shoes; carpet slippers will do just as well.
x
I was very concerned with my PB timing when I first started running 10km. But after countless number of runs where my timing was hovering around 50 minutes -- plus-minus three minutes -- I just do not bother about my PB timing anymore.
Another type of runner that really impressed me is The Shuffler runner. It is true that when they run, it is like gliding along but their speed is very fast. My personal experience is that before I could realize, the Shuffler runner is way ahead of me.
Read on and be amused …
Extracted from the book: How to Run a Marathon
By Tony Benyon and Kevin Macey
The Charity Runner
Watching the London Marathon on television, one frequently sees a clown running backwards while tossing a pancake in the air. This apparent lunatic is not plucked from the field by men in white coats because he is running for charity. The aim, more likely than not, is to raise money for some piece of medical apparatus or a new hospital, of which he, if he does not train correctly, will be the main beneficiary.
The majority of these runners indulge in the minimal amount of preparation for their runs. Their efforts appear to be focused on the fancy dress costumes they will wear to hobble in around the course. In most cases these consist of schoolgirl or nurse's uniforms for either women or men.
While watching a race, it is quite common to see grown men dressed as Vikings holding a replica longboat, waiters running with trays full of drinks, Mickey Mouse and even Superman rushing on their way.
As the race progresses highly comical scenes can be witnessed: Vikings riddled with cramp and hardly able to limp let alone loot, pillage and rape; Mickey Mouse slumped on a pavement outside a bar awash with beer; or Superman running into 'the wall' and staggering in anguish as though someone had slipped some Kryptonite into his tights.
The Personal Best
Wearing a shock-proof and water-proof digital watch complete with a lap timer, a stride timer and an inhalation and exhalation timer, the PB takes to the road. A smile curls his top lip when he realises he has reached the first lamp post on his regular training route in a personal best time.
Pounding along the road wearing his 'Sub Four' T-shirt, nothing is capable of breaking his concentration if he thinks a personal best time is possible. Houses may be burning, people may be screaming for help and eccentric millionaires may be giving away bundles of fifty pound notes, yet through it all the PB will not falter in his rhythm.
With his eyes permanently flickering from side to side he boils eggs, mows the lawn and reads newspapers in ceaseless competition with the clock. His manic and exaggerated behaviour has resulted in his marriage breaking down. His wife long since gave up trying to persuade him to aim at endurance records rather than speed records in the matrimonial bed. A breathless 'It was a personal best for me, how was it for you?' is a question she never wants to hear again.
The Iron Man
The Iron Man is so called because of the extreme amount of pain he can take without complaining. If his legs were to be suddenly severed at the knees he would not drop out of a race. He would merely grit his teeth and complete the course still hoping to get near his personal best without making any excuses if he fails to do so.
Dressed in a sweat-soaked running kit complete with head and wrist bands, the Iron Man trains over extreme distances each week. While he is running dogs break their fangs on his calves, mothers pull their children out of his path and badly parked cars are left with dents in the shape of track shoes across their bonnets and roofs.
His unshaven face and the scars on his knees (from countless cartilage operations) give him the appearance of a badly wounded war veteran. The image is further enhanced by the manic staring eyes of a man who has been on one mission too many.
Floods, Arctic conditions, nuclear strikes and the earth tilting on its axis will never stop this man from his regular training runs because the Iron Man can crack walnuts with his eyelids. He works as a cashier in the High Street Bank and answers to the name of Dorian.
The Shuffler
The extraordinary thing about the Shuffler is how he appears not to be running at all and yet completes the marathon consistently in less than three hours. He is in his fifties, bald, wears pebbled glasses and is an engineer. His insignificant appearance makes it all the more galling when he pads silently past you within sight of the finishing line.
While you are riddled with cramp, have hamstring trouble, crave a visit to a toilet or are suffering spasms, the Shuffler glides past you as though he is standing on a pedestrian conveyer belt. No matter by how much you break your personal best, he still breasts the finishing tape before you.
A clue to the Shuffler's success appears to be his leg action or lack of it which has been perfected so as to expend a minimum of energy. His legs never bend at the knee, neither do his feet ever leave the surface of the road by more than half a centimetre. In fact, wet conditions can be a danger to him. He risks losing control by aquaplaning.
If you should wish to run in a similar style to the Shuffler, do not spend money on an expensive pair of designer running shoes; carpet slippers will do just as well.
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